u noe i feel damn guilty towards you..sorry its my fault...i'll say sorry till u reply my sms...at least i'll feel better this way..idk how can i stand by u but im sorry...idk what to say but i hope u r alright now...i wanna ask u if everything is fine cus im worried but i dun dare to sms u...r u ok????i hope u can get back to me soon....well...seriously, just lemmi apolise while waiting...im dying to apologise..i really never feel so freaking guilty in my whole life before...=( all is hand type de not copy and paste de
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...
ok, finally u replied... 12.22am...idk what to tell u oso...im freaking worried...u noe i vomited alot of phelgm just now...ok nvm abt that, cus its not as terrible as how i feel inside...i wanna give u a hug and apologise... but i can't... u noe i really wanna rush over but if i do, things will be more complicated..gosh...im sorry...super duper sorry...i hope i dun irritate u when i say so much sorry. i feel super super damn f**king bad!its like theres an XX in my heart....
a december sunday afternoon
currently so hooked on taylor swift's 'back to december'. well mat be its december now thats why?haha!holiday is coming soon yet theres a sense of emptiness. what shall i do to occupy my holidays? feel like picking up dancing. this is one of the things i wanna do but dont have the chance to. many things up in my mind, sometimes, u have to give up something thats so dear to u for something new. well, thats life isn't it. omgsh! later gonna get the washing machine from ronnie, so nice of him right. lol...kinda bored....don't know what to do as well... think its time to set some goals for the holiday....looking forward to next year...as im turning 19!!!!and 2012, i'll be 20! time to save up and earn $ to get a car license...talking about cars, it reminds me of tim...hai.....wonder how is he doing....hope his health is better now..=(
Sick
Hai... Bad cough n flu.. Feel so useless..can't eat alot of food n have to sleep early. I don't have time to waste.. So much work undone.. Sometimes when I just quiet down, I started to think about my relationship life and wonder why is it so complicated. I don't understand..zzz back to wrk now..
Typed on nov 19
Sigh~...these few days had been terrible emotionally..first is quarrel with my brother.. N I apologized ytd, so issue solved. But L problem surfaced. It's so sucky.. To think abt it it's kinda childish when he asked the people ard him to either befriend him and to be an enemy of mine or befriend n be an enemy of his. Simply immature and ridiculous.. There's things that I cant say an I have to break his heart cus I totally have no choice..well I'm actually protecting him by hurting him badly now.. He won't understand.. Maybe in the future he will but I guess it will then be too late.things just won't be the same anymore. How much I've gone through hide it from him, till now and the near future cus he is not my bf n I'm not his gf. And before i do, I won't want him to suffer with me so I have to push him away and say nasty stuff so he'll hate me. I dun mind him hating me if it makes him feel better.. But why make the people ard him miserable with him? Fucking selfish.. Afterall these problems concern only me and him isn't it? I lied to cvr up my lies just in order not to let him know the truth. Cus it will be freaking hurting. I don't have the courage to tell him the truth cus it's just too hard on him.. Only 3 pple noes the real reason why n I'm glad they understand how much pain i have gone through.. Who doesn't want to be with the guy u loved n who doesn't want to have a guy u can rely on.. But when there's communication breakdown, everything will not be the same anymore..
im not perfect
heard a song from hedley, perfect...and started questioning. seriously, these moments where family and relationships dont work out, i just wanna seek my comfort zone and hide.
its really very very stress. tml will be meeting my dear althea, i feel happy about it. i don't have many girlfriends but i noe i have her thats enough.
i just wanna let the people i have hurt and those who have hurt me know that i'm not a perfect girl just like what the songs said
i'm not perfect but i keep trying
cus that what i say i would do from the start.
im being me. i dun wanna pretend cus pretense is for the insincere..
its really very very stress. tml will be meeting my dear althea, i feel happy about it. i don't have many girlfriends but i noe i have her thats enough.
i just wanna let the people i have hurt and those who have hurt me know that i'm not a perfect girl just like what the songs said
i'm not perfect but i keep trying
cus that what i say i would do from the start.
im being me. i dun wanna pretend cus pretense is for the insincere..
down again
i hate feeling so down=( no one likes it..always have to put on a strong front when in fact im dead painful inside. been really stupid to love my brother so much. stupid to the extent that i dont like korean pop at all, but i purposely listen to them cus my brother likes it so i can even have a common topic with him.its just downright terrible when he scolded me bitch, stupid and useless. i really feel disrespected. i admit that slapping him is my fault, and im sorry.
Towards boy gal relationship, i failed. towards family i fail as well. sometimes i wonder is it when u r rich, u can have everything thats going by your way?will there be less quarrals and hurts?can i even use money to shut my brother up so i can prevent myself from getting hurt. money is the root of all problem, yet money can solve problems as well. why?why can everything be simple?
sometimes i'll ask myself why do i have to chose the guy i liked and not the guy who likes me more then i do. its hurting u noe. and i really noe this is stupid of me yet i still do it.
Towards boy gal relationship, i failed. towards family i fail as well. sometimes i wonder is it when u r rich, u can have everything thats going by your way?will there be less quarrals and hurts?can i even use money to shut my brother up so i can prevent myself from getting hurt. money is the root of all problem, yet money can solve problems as well. why?why can everything be simple?
sometimes i'll ask myself why do i have to chose the guy i liked and not the guy who likes me more then i do. its hurting u noe. and i really noe this is stupid of me yet i still do it.
Blogging!! Yay I love blogging when I got things to say
typed on 12th nov:
Today's edition will be on vivian Dawson. Such a lucky guy. Well he is like currently dating the pop diva jolin tsai..though I'm not quite a fan of hers but I always admire her since young. Maybe cus she's pretty.. Haha! And so I met Vivian once at the Cleo eligible bachelor event. It was like wow! However, I'm pretty mad at the paparazzi. Why must they like stalk them to the gym and bowling alley??it's not very nice of them but that's their job.. So it's like wth... Poor jolin n vivian had to sneak to date. Therefore in conclusion having a simple life is good but provided there's fun and excitement n not forgetting surprises!
Today's edition will be on vivian Dawson. Such a lucky guy. Well he is like currently dating the pop diva jolin tsai..though I'm not quite a fan of hers but I always admire her since young. Maybe cus she's pretty.. Haha! And so I met Vivian once at the Cleo eligible bachelor event. It was like wow! However, I'm pretty mad at the paparazzi. Why must they like stalk them to the gym and bowling alley??it's not very nice of them but that's their job.. So it's like wth... Poor jolin n vivian had to sneak to date. Therefore in conclusion having a simple life is good but provided there's fun and excitement n not forgetting surprises!
although its just another wednesday.......
8am
wake up, prepare and head to work for ronnie, done photoshop and stuff had a great time, had a quick breakfast alone.
2.30pm
stayed at bukit gombak had my lunch alone again. had laksa and read cleo magazine and i head to grandma house.
3.45pm
in the train, despite the killer weather, i was freezing in the train, think im falling sick.
4.05pm
reached grandma's place and was working on my project. had a nice time with her, i never heard so much abt her. despite how unhappy i feel when i recieve the project, one thing that delights me is the moment i spend with my grandma. Next Interview will be my daddy's side. so looking forward to it. atleast it a time of communication betwee me and them. cus i realise, ur frens, no matter what will only be your friends, they can just hurt u. but family will always be there for u. i really hope that 1 day, i can design a beautiful home for them.
4.45pm
Wondering aimlessly in northpoint. hoping so much that i can get someone to have dinner with me cus mummy didn cook. DK who to call also cus either they are busy if not they are having dinner at home or even booked. The last thing i ever wanted for today is to have dinner alone but i think i have no choice left. tears rolling down, having that little pity on myself yet telling myself that i'll be fine after awhile.
had been really bad these 3 days, cried almost everyday cus i dun feel good yet every night, down a red wine and tell myself, i'll feel better tomorrow, hiding down all my pain. cus the last thing i ever want is to make myself feel useless. i tried to be nice to everyone that i've met cus its not by chance that they become my friend and i wanna cherish them. I always told myself, despite how hurt i am, i also want others to be happy. i noe its some foolish thinking of mine in this selfish world. and sometimes i hurt people but i didn mean it. im sorry..and i dont feel good either.
think i shall stop here, if not i'll feel more down. dinner?think i'll skip that, at least im happier this way.
wake up, prepare and head to work for ronnie, done photoshop and stuff had a great time, had a quick breakfast alone.
2.30pm
stayed at bukit gombak had my lunch alone again. had laksa and read cleo magazine and i head to grandma house.
3.45pm
in the train, despite the killer weather, i was freezing in the train, think im falling sick.
4.05pm
reached grandma's place and was working on my project. had a nice time with her, i never heard so much abt her. despite how unhappy i feel when i recieve the project, one thing that delights me is the moment i spend with my grandma. Next Interview will be my daddy's side. so looking forward to it. atleast it a time of communication betwee me and them. cus i realise, ur frens, no matter what will only be your friends, they can just hurt u. but family will always be there for u. i really hope that 1 day, i can design a beautiful home for them.
4.45pm
Wondering aimlessly in northpoint. hoping so much that i can get someone to have dinner with me cus mummy didn cook. DK who to call also cus either they are busy if not they are having dinner at home or even booked. The last thing i ever wanted for today is to have dinner alone but i think i have no choice left. tears rolling down, having that little pity on myself yet telling myself that i'll be fine after awhile.
had been really bad these 3 days, cried almost everyday cus i dun feel good yet every night, down a red wine and tell myself, i'll feel better tomorrow, hiding down all my pain. cus the last thing i ever want is to make myself feel useless. i tried to be nice to everyone that i've met cus its not by chance that they become my friend and i wanna cherish them. I always told myself, despite how hurt i am, i also want others to be happy. i noe its some foolish thinking of mine in this selfish world. and sometimes i hurt people but i didn mean it. im sorry..and i dont feel good either.
think i shall stop here, if not i'll feel more down. dinner?think i'll skip that, at least im happier this way.
new hunk???
haha!!!!today i will feature jason chee in my post..abit bo liao la..haha!!!!nothing better to do in school oso do i put his photos to disturb him =p today is brandon's birthday and he is waiting for his princess to go lunch tgt, i hope she give him a kiss cus he is so deeply in love with her!!!!!! back to jason! haha!!!
deng deng deng!!!!the first pic will be
black and white jacket , everlast pants and his hot bod!haha, so rmb to log into wwww.nutrifirst.net!LOL
next will be
this one look so boy boy..haha!!dunno why, but maybe cute mah..haha!
u can see his muscles, its so define..haha!gosh im like some pervertic psycho haha n im freezing cold in the studio, i can feel my tummy shivering..zzzz....i'll go prompt him to see my blog at least he will be more happy to book out from camp!!!haha
deng deng deng!!!!the first pic will be
black and white jacket , everlast pants and his hot bod!haha, so rmb to log into wwww.nutrifirst.net!LOL
next will be
this one look so boy boy..haha!!dunno why, but maybe cute mah..haha!
u can see his muscles, its so define..haha!gosh im like some pervertic psycho haha n im freezing cold in the studio, i can feel my tummy shivering..zzzz....i'll go prompt him to see my blog at least he will be more happy to book out from camp!!!haha
places i wanna go
first stop will be hawaii!!!
volcanoes and beaches. simply wonderful!
next will be new york!!!!
i wanna have a photoshoot there!!every corner of the city is just so artistically amazing and picturesque.
france!!
the rich and romantic culture simply keeps in in awe. i love the architecture!and of cus, i miss vincent francome, my very good friend.=/
where should go to my honey moon?haha!!!
or maybe with my future bf when i earn enough $$?
scuba diving/snorkling at mauritius is another dream of mine and i realise all the places are so expensive..haha!!
volcanoes and beaches. simply wonderful!
next will be new york!!!!
i wanna have a photoshoot there!!every corner of the city is just so artistically amazing and picturesque.
france!!
the rich and romantic culture simply keeps in in awe. i love the architecture!and of cus, i miss vincent francome, my very good friend.=/
where should go to my honey moon?haha!!!
or maybe with my future bf when i earn enough $$?
scuba diving/snorkling at mauritius is another dream of mine and i realise all the places are so expensive..haha!!
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