down again

i hate feeling so down=( no one likes it..always have to put on a strong front when in fact im dead painful inside. been really stupid to love my brother so much. stupid to the extent that i dont like korean pop at all, but i purposely listen to them cus my brother likes it so i can even have a common topic with him.its just downright terrible when he scolded me bitch, stupid and useless. i really feel disrespected. i admit that slapping him is my fault, and im sorry.

Towards boy gal relationship, i failed. towards family i fail as well. sometimes i wonder is it when u r rich, u can have everything thats going by your way?will there be less quarrals and hurts?can i even use money to shut my brother up so i can prevent myself from getting hurt. money is the root of all problem, yet money can solve problems as well. why?why can everything be simple?

sometimes i'll ask myself why do i have to chose the guy i liked and not the guy who likes me more then i do. its hurting u noe. and i really noe this is stupid of me yet i still do it.