Typed on nov 19

Sigh~...these few days had been terrible emotionally..first is quarrel with my brother.. N I apologized ytd, so issue solved. But L problem surfaced. It's so sucky.. To think abt it it's kinda childish when he asked the people ard him to either befriend him and to be an enemy of mine or befriend n be an enemy of his. Simply immature and ridiculous.. There's things that I cant say an I have to break his heart cus I totally have no choice..well I'm actually protecting him by hurting him badly now.. He won't understand.. Maybe in the future he will but I guess it will then be too late.things just won't be the same anymore. How much I've gone through hide it from him, till now and the near future cus he is not my bf n I'm not his gf. And before i do, I won't want him to suffer with me so I have to push him away and say nasty stuff so he'll hate me. I dun mind him hating me if it makes him feel better.. But why make the people ard him miserable with him? Fucking selfish.. Afterall these problems concern only me and him isn't it? I lied to cvr up my lies just in order not to let him know the truth. Cus it will be freaking hurting. I don't have the courage to tell him the truth cus it's just too hard on him.. Only 3 pple noes the real reason why n I'm glad they understand how much pain i have gone through.. Who doesn't want to be with the guy u loved n who doesn't want to have a guy u can rely on.. But when there's communication breakdown, everything will not be the same anymore..