NSP VISIT

我關上了門　最後一次聽你說我們
熟悉變陌生　把我往記憶裡扔
我應該習慣　你離去的眼神　才能讓失去你　變得更完整


窗外的街燈　還在努力掩飾著早晨
我的嘆息成全了　整夜的苦悶
我該努力　習慣這樣的氣氛　才發現失去了　愛不用再等

我知道　我的一切你已不想要　繼續在乎只會讓你想逃
我不相信這全是種煎熬　原來離去是那麼難預料
找依靠卻沒有我想要的好　我的等待換不到你擁抱
只好讓回憶　短暫的炫耀　原來任性對彼此都　不好

清晨的街燈　翻開了城市中的心悶
我的等待成全了　整夜的苦悶
我努力在　你的回憶裡狂奔　才了解失去了　愛不用再等


＊我知道　我的一切你已不想要　繼續在乎只會讓你想逃
我不相信這全是種煎熬　原來愛你是那麼難預料
找依靠卻沒有我想要的好　我的等待換不到你擁抱
只好讓回憶　短暫的炫耀　原來任性對彼此都　不好


多想再一次　緊緊的擁抱　就算給我　一秒也好
一秒可以給多少　我都想要
讓回憶繼續　反覆炫耀　原來失去對彼此都　不好
 
Happen to listen to this song titled 一秒也好 well, i agrees to myself that i had been really stubborn to my feelings recently..i know i do feel that way but i just couldn't accept my feelings, i can't be true towards my feelings because i know i will lose it...
 
well, forget about the emotional parts and back to the happy moments..ok...yesterday, went out with nsp to soon yi house and than towards jaryl house..enjoyed their company..heeee..went to soon yi house and we played majong..woh woh...i learned alot from yang but still i just couldn understand how to place the tiles in a way that i will win..but stil its very nice of him to teach me..heee...soon yi has a dog super duper active and very cute...i like the fringe..
 

so next we went to jaryl house..had dinner there, the food is yummy...i like the dumplings...it feel so homely when the nsp had dinner together...took down some photos but not so clear

see the guy in grey with pink strip he is call zee sheng aka purple..people so concentrating with the food only him looking at the camera..heee....next!!

we went to the living room than teleport to jaryl study room and play cards...help purple with his $0.50 and i tripled it and get strunk to $0.30 haha...in the end i play till i earn back till $0.50 and return to purple...show your the picture...some very funny one

sexy mah???

came out with a few lyrics without a tune..maybe when im fee will work on it, or maybe in the end will just be a pass by thoughts, just wanna share it anyway

should i leave?should i stay?
i'm tired of this anyway
the extra mile just to catch your smile
in the end caused me to hurt myself

have no courage to go away
have no determination to continue this way
sick and tired of everything
tried so hard yet i'm left with nothing

you still chose to walk away
chose to leave me alone
tumbled in the rain
i could no longer forgive myself for the hurt i've caused
yet i have no chance to to show my remorse

i begged, cried and prayed.
i even hope you'd regret one day
yet i can't bear the pain to let you go
holding close and i'm left with sorrows

i cried even in my dreams
yet theres no one there to comfort me
when i need you most
you ain't there.


sorry have no idea how to continue...but it had been an untold and the most unable to reveal secrets in me..=(
thats what cause me misery

sometimes, you will wanna so so much for someone you love, yet in the end, it makes him feel stressout. it makes you think "what have i done wrong" am i being too possesive?am  i??feeling kind of cofused and upset.don't i mean anything to you?you never once tell me that i'm important. you never once told me that i'm needed. ok, yes you did told me that you need me, thats when you can't finish your work.isn't that for yourself...you rarely initiated stuff in favour of me, everytime i'm upset, i will have to keep it all to myself, everytime when i'm turned off by you, i have to tell myself..its ok, it will be better next time..you did stuff most of the time at your convenience but i just hope that sometimes you will think for me...even sometimes, I DON'T FEEL LIKE but i still did just that you will be happy..even at the end of the day, i get nothing back..homework wise, i do need help, but you weren't there for me..even the MINIMUM YOU CAN DO IS TO GO STUDY WITH ME CAUSE I DON'T SEEM TO BE MOTIVATED. yet you say you don't feel like going out when i chosed the place so near to your home, let you chose the time you want. i don't have to do so much one you know..don't have to travel so far, don't have to stay up, don't have to go the extra mile you know..yes, thank you is easy to say, but when you say you feel bad, feel guilty, thats when actions of appreciation comes in...how do you back up your words when you did nothing. plus, you rarely say you are wrong. excuses, reasons, inconvenience..

IF YOU HAPPEN TO READ THIS, ITS NOT YOU THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT OK..CAUSE I WUN SAY ITS YOU. IF YOU ARE GUILTY ABOUT IT THAN ITS YOU, IF NOT DON'T IMAGINE.

its not true

dear dear friends, if you happen to see my facebook relationship status, i do do hope you don't take it as real...because now i'm feeling so desperate to protect myself...on saturday, theres a guy that msned me, he asked me to give him sex and i was like so humiliated...i felt really angry and upset about that. it will not be so hurting the first time but now, its the 3rd time..3 different guys asked me for sex!!eeewww...2 are indians and now is a fat ass....OMG..im feeling like wtf!!!well, i do not have a boyfriend now so i can't protect myself very well physically, mentally, i still have friends that is supporting me but they won't be 24/7 there, and i dun expect anyone to be 24/7 there for me cause its impossible.so in the midst of doing my project and feeling really really down yet very very angry, on the sunday morning, sean offered to create a fake facebook account for me. his name is zachane..haha..how your think?nice name???i give one leh..haha!!!well, i did told the few guys who wants to woo me that im not interested in a relationship now, and do believe me friends. well, if theres still doubt, you can check zachane out, he only have 1 picture (unless people dare tag some one that don't exist}and the profile picture belongs to my good good buddy friend LESTER!haha!!i steal from him one...from facebook..haha..also i admire some of his qualities mah..but i dun admire him totally cus he smoke..and smoking cause negative effects to the smokers body and the people around cus of the carbon monxide thats given out . so i really wonder why some people really look up to him when he always says he is bullshitting..haha!!!but GENERALLY, he is a very very nice guy so give him 90/100 (cannot give too high later he ego) haha!!

back to zachane, thanks to sean for helping me in creating that fake account, what sean suggest to me was to get a boyfriend but i don't want to so he asked me to get fakely attached..i was "married" to sze li (fake marrige) thinking i can protect myself by bluffing that i'm a lesbian, but it don't seem to work..some weird people told me lesbians are hot and i freaked..and now, im attached to my fake zachane...haha..

ok la, thats about it..thanks to all the frens that are concern=)

feeling kind of empty now despite hugging my baby teddy the whole day=(..maybe because art friend ain't open thats why i was so bored, no art friend = no ice cream stick= no project on 16th feb=no sleep on 18 feb =.= so many work ain't done...i feel sorry for baby teddy cus it had been trampled by me the whole day today...lying on the bed doing practically NOTHING but closing eyes..dots..i spend my 3 days of cny sleeping..=.=  cus had been rather busy and tired before cny and manage to get enough rest till today except i strained my neck and its hurting...=( i was wondering that its been sometime since i practiced some cat walking and its getting rusty...gosh...yesterday went to the "spring at the bay" what ever its call (its a cny carnival held near the esplanade) i sat one of  uncle ringo's ride..its the flying chair(idk what its called) i feel i was being dumped into the galaxy and its fun...enjoyed the adreline rush..idk if i had this posted up but no harm repeating...its expensive though.....

lastly i wanna talk my baby teddy for a cuddly afternoon....arigato...( feels stupid thanking a bear)haha

ART FRIEND IS NOT MY FRIEND!!

k!!!im upset now...lousy service....i wonder if today is a public holiday..cause its the 3rd day of CNY and i still have project to do!now i tried to call art friend and nobody picks up!!so im angry now..i wun be so unreasonable if they put close on public holiday but

what they have to say man!!!grrr!!!im angry!!i have to buy small ice cream stick!!!arhhh!!!

Happy Chinese New Year

after a long long day, i decided to spent some tim blogging despite being extremely tired..alright, i went to my grandma house and some of my other relative house for visitation..its super tiring.. collected many many ang baos and ate many many food..i love CNY cause i won't go hungry..i can eat and eat and drink and drink..so nice right...wonder what and how is all my friends doing though...especially sze li...don't know why suddenly think of her when i'm on my way home just now..haha..hai..had been receiving many many weird and unknown friend invite on facebook..people do really judge you through your looks..i ignored lots and lots of requests cause io'm afraid...i do not want people to ask me for sex on facebook...its like really so humiliating..and i'm really upset about it..thats why, i asked my good friend sze li if i could put i'm married to her....well, in reality, i'm straight..well, i'm pretty sorry to say, i'm kind of having a prejudice against indians..not say i'm being racist, but i will tend to take extra precautions towards those banglaric indian..ok, the reason why is that i kana flashed before, so i was traumatised..ok shall stop talking abt this..if not i will cry again...errrrr...today the train stinks...hope you know what i mean...i really wonder why indian love picnic so much...haha...but maybe thats a form of bond...

do really hope that my friends and family will have a prosperous new year ahead...=)

finally manage to get a break and able to blog/.had been very very busy for the past 4 days...now i'm feeling totally worn out despite 16 hours of sleep...cause for the past 4 days, hadn't had enough sleep cause was doing and working so hard on my projects..thursday night was fun..cause i stayed in school over night with nearly half of the class..and wow!!its such a thrill the adreline rush from hiding from security guard in the studio was shiok!!!haha!!!and before staying over in school, i went to sunshine plaze to print my assignments..the uncle was so nice...so since he helped me so much despit e its time for him to go home for a rest, i decided to help him promote his company in my blog..

color vizio sunshine plaza, bencoolen st, #01-05 t: 6883 2236 f: 6883 2237 e: colorviziohq@pacific.net.sg

the uncle seem to be grougy(dk how to spell) that night but he still tried his best to be nice...

well anyway, its gonna be cny soon, yet i still have projects coming up..got to sleep again...=)

My 18th bithday DAY

YEAH, finally i turned 18, now i hope i dun turn 19....maybe i should open a shop call forever 18 haha..still have many many work to do and im still blogging =.=!!!ok, yesterday, went out with my gan ma to bugis during the noon...my bag was damn heavy so i dumped it at sir thommas the train shop..thanks to him..so i bought 2 shirt and a shorts...she brought me to eat swensen as well and we continue shopping after that..and than, went to eat durian..the 2 UNCLE super irritating!!!keep asking for my number when my gan ma is around...even if she is not, i will just give the 999, let the police catch them..punish them for sexual harressment..haha!!!so i gave my dad's number and my gan ma told them its my dad's number!!!aiyo...don't know how to cooperate abit..hai=(..but nevertheless, still THANK YOU GAN MA! AND LOVE YOU!!

SO...........................nevt at 7.30, i went straight to The cathay @dhoby Ghaut to meet about halp of the NSP at ASTON we had dinner there..it was fun...and after dinner, while walking to somerset, yang and jaryl disappear...eeeeeeee!!!!i was feeling so sad but on the other hand i was thinnking they can't be so bad de loh...in the end, they magically appear with a TCC tiramisu!!!altough i don't like coffee at all, i still ate every single bit don't...it taste good actually..maybe its because it from the dearest NSP la..thats why...shhhh..i almost cry...on the previous night, i was on the line with julian..he said sze li can't go for her class outing because its her best friend's birthday and she have to save money to buy present for her..wah!!!i was so so touched...and the present is a build a bear bear..(sound like acting cute with the bear bear thing  haha)i rephrase the shop is "build a bear" the gift is a bear..so i hugged it to sleep yesterday...so cute leh the bear...the bear got new name hoh

yang get a bithday card for his birthday so the card is call NEVER, my bear is call SLEEP, and theres a gay balloon call PROPERLY
so add together is NEVER SLEEP PROPERLY. the next 3 will be call NORTH, SOUTH AND POLE.

and yester after the cake thingy, yangf played a game..i called it the MRT game...haiyo..in the end i was laughing away and the conclusion----i found out that i was retarded..haha...well, it was kinda a joke though..i will play it with my other friends someday..=)

alright, i gtg, oya, i will post up some pics when i'm more free ok..=)in this post..=)

happy birthday trina

tap tap to my dad and mum shoulder...i'm 18 now!!wah hooo!!!thanks to all my dear der friends who wish me happy bithday..so touched..and thanks to my dear dear close close close friend...sand birthday son for me...i touched till siao...and theres 1 uy who called me at 11.59pm 7th feb to wish me happy birthday..gosh!!!!im so touched by him too..but i don't have caller id so i tried uess who called me but to no avail...i nhope u will read this massae -whoever that called me..u know who u are..please ta in my text box ok...i wanna thank you personally...anw, thank u very muchy and i'm sorry...

1 more hour

yeah, i'm gonna turn 18 soon!!!im so excited!!i can do things 17 can't do...ok ok...thats lame...yet i have to do my homework overnight..so sad..and i have so much things to do...just now went to jurong point and have dinner with anoymous...(don't know how to spell) we went to eat at the jap restaurant...so happy.. and satisfied..though i didn eat alot cus the deco of the restaurant make me dizzy halfway..and than we went to the arcade played para para, some shooting game, basket ball and drum game!!drum game was fun..haha!!whao!!since so long i have so much fun!!!now just gonna wait till 11pm to publish this post...please agree its kind lame..heeeee....

assignments - Thanks

went out with 2mas yesterday to orchad..hmm..and i'm feeling bored now..yt so much school work to do..my dear dear friends, if i didn't reply you in yours smses or msn msgs, please please forgive me, i didn mean to be rude...just that i have so much stuff on hand and yet to complete, i won't be that free till after 12feb and few days before 18feb i will be busy as well , 22nd feb and 1mar as well...such terrible way to start chinese new year..=(

and anw, just wanna thank 2mas for treating me to the movie when i acc him...i appreciate that =)
 got to go back and slog my head off, if one day my head dropping video is post on youtube or facebook, dun grieve for me..haha...

had been not a bad day in school though emotionally im kinda feeling painful, cried the whole night for the past two days...i was feeling down...really really down...but settled the issue today, so now still alright...well, girls tend to have a so call skin hunger...whats that?haha...i learn that during my love relation class...hmm...cause sometimes when a girl was feeling down, upset or angry, its the time where the guy had to just give her a tight hug, this simply will just take away or lighten the pain...for me i feel this way...hadn't been attach for sometimes so naturally, the tendency for physical reliance is strong...hmm...well, guys may misunderstand that when a girl had skin hunger means its sex or something, but actually no..its just that she needs a hug and comfort..hugging means alot...theres the element of reliance, comfort and strength..plus trust..you can feel the closeness of the other party,feel the breath and the warmth...i always hope someone whom i relied on will just hugged me so tight when i'm upset or angry..even when he is so pissed off with me..well, i'm sorry for being selfish...but a hug is free..so when you can give someone something thats free and yet worth more than a million gold, why not...(provided the person won't feel intimidated) so boyfriends, hug your baby when she is down, don't just walk away, don't just leave her alone cause she is willing to be with you means she needs you..please don't leave her alone..

and i recieved a good news from sze li, i don't have to go through audition to get into a runway event at ngee ann in May..look forward to it though i didn get any comission i still look forward to it and i believe i will certainly enjoy it, its when i'm on the stage, i feel its where i belong, its where i can boost my confidence...so indirectly, i wanna express my gratitude to sze li and her exco mates /team...


CHEERS my friends..

your support is my best encouragement..=)