Typed on nov 19
Sigh~...these few days had been terrible emotionally..first is quarrel with my brother.. N I apologized ytd, so issue solved. But L problem surfaced. It's so sucky.. To think abt it it's kinda childish when he asked the people ard him to either befriend him and to be an enemy of mine or befriend n be an enemy of his. Simply immature and ridiculous.. There's things that I cant say an I have to break his heart cus I totally have no choice..well I'm actually protecting him by hurting him badly now.. He won't understand.. Maybe in the future he will but I guess it will then be too late.things just won't be the same anymore. How much I've gone through hide it from him, till now and the near future cus he is not my bf n I'm not his gf. And before i do, I won't want him to suffer with me so I have to push him away and say nasty stuff so he'll hate me. I dun mind him hating me if it makes him feel better.. But why make the people ard him miserable with him? Fucking selfish.. Afterall these problems concern only me and him isn't it? I lied to cvr up my lies just in order not to let him know the truth. Cus it will be freaking hurting. I don't have the courage to tell him the truth cus it's just too hard on him.. Only 3 pple noes the real reason why n I'm glad they understand how much pain i have gone through.. Who doesn't want to be with the guy u loved n who doesn't want to have a guy u can rely on.. But when there's communication breakdown, everything will not be the same anymore..
im not perfect
heard a song from hedley, perfect...and started questioning. seriously, these moments where family and relationships dont work out, i just wanna seek my comfort zone and hide.
its really very very stress. tml will be meeting my dear althea, i feel happy about it. i don't have many girlfriends but i noe i have her thats enough.
i just wanna let the people i have hurt and those who have hurt me know that i'm not a perfect girl just like what the songs said
i'm not perfect but i keep trying
cus that what i say i would do from the start.
im being me. i dun wanna pretend cus pretense is for the insincere..
its really very very stress. tml will be meeting my dear althea, i feel happy about it. i don't have many girlfriends but i noe i have her thats enough.
i just wanna let the people i have hurt and those who have hurt me know that i'm not a perfect girl just like what the songs said
i'm not perfect but i keep trying
cus that what i say i would do from the start.
im being me. i dun wanna pretend cus pretense is for the insincere..
down again
i hate feeling so down=( no one likes it..always have to put on a strong front when in fact im dead painful inside. been really stupid to love my brother so much. stupid to the extent that i dont like korean pop at all, but i purposely listen to them cus my brother likes it so i can even have a common topic with him.its just downright terrible when he scolded me bitch, stupid and useless. i really feel disrespected. i admit that slapping him is my fault, and im sorry.
Towards boy gal relationship, i failed. towards family i fail as well. sometimes i wonder is it when u r rich, u can have everything thats going by your way?will there be less quarrals and hurts?can i even use money to shut my brother up so i can prevent myself from getting hurt. money is the root of all problem, yet money can solve problems as well. why?why can everything be simple?
sometimes i'll ask myself why do i have to chose the guy i liked and not the guy who likes me more then i do. its hurting u noe. and i really noe this is stupid of me yet i still do it.
Towards boy gal relationship, i failed. towards family i fail as well. sometimes i wonder is it when u r rich, u can have everything thats going by your way?will there be less quarrals and hurts?can i even use money to shut my brother up so i can prevent myself from getting hurt. money is the root of all problem, yet money can solve problems as well. why?why can everything be simple?
sometimes i'll ask myself why do i have to chose the guy i liked and not the guy who likes me more then i do. its hurting u noe. and i really noe this is stupid of me yet i still do it.
Blogging!! Yay I love blogging when I got things to say
typed on 12th nov:
Today's edition will be on vivian Dawson. Such a lucky guy. Well he is like currently dating the pop diva jolin tsai..though I'm not quite a fan of hers but I always admire her since young. Maybe cus she's pretty.. Haha! And so I met Vivian once at the Cleo eligible bachelor event. It was like wow! However, I'm pretty mad at the paparazzi. Why must they like stalk them to the gym and bowling alley??it's not very nice of them but that's their job.. So it's like wth... Poor jolin n vivian had to sneak to date. Therefore in conclusion having a simple life is good but provided there's fun and excitement n not forgetting surprises!
Today's edition will be on vivian Dawson. Such a lucky guy. Well he is like currently dating the pop diva jolin tsai..though I'm not quite a fan of hers but I always admire her since young. Maybe cus she's pretty.. Haha! And so I met Vivian once at the Cleo eligible bachelor event. It was like wow! However, I'm pretty mad at the paparazzi. Why must they like stalk them to the gym and bowling alley??it's not very nice of them but that's their job.. So it's like wth... Poor jolin n vivian had to sneak to date. Therefore in conclusion having a simple life is good but provided there's fun and excitement n not forgetting surprises!
although its just another wednesday.......
8am
wake up, prepare and head to work for ronnie, done photoshop and stuff had a great time, had a quick breakfast alone.
2.30pm
stayed at bukit gombak had my lunch alone again. had laksa and read cleo magazine and i head to grandma house.
3.45pm
in the train, despite the killer weather, i was freezing in the train, think im falling sick.
4.05pm
reached grandma's place and was working on my project. had a nice time with her, i never heard so much abt her. despite how unhappy i feel when i recieve the project, one thing that delights me is the moment i spend with my grandma. Next Interview will be my daddy's side. so looking forward to it. atleast it a time of communication betwee me and them. cus i realise, ur frens, no matter what will only be your friends, they can just hurt u. but family will always be there for u. i really hope that 1 day, i can design a beautiful home for them.
4.45pm
Wondering aimlessly in northpoint. hoping so much that i can get someone to have dinner with me cus mummy didn cook. DK who to call also cus either they are busy if not they are having dinner at home or even booked. The last thing i ever wanted for today is to have dinner alone but i think i have no choice left. tears rolling down, having that little pity on myself yet telling myself that i'll be fine after awhile.
had been really bad these 3 days, cried almost everyday cus i dun feel good yet every night, down a red wine and tell myself, i'll feel better tomorrow, hiding down all my pain. cus the last thing i ever want is to make myself feel useless. i tried to be nice to everyone that i've met cus its not by chance that they become my friend and i wanna cherish them. I always told myself, despite how hurt i am, i also want others to be happy. i noe its some foolish thinking of mine in this selfish world. and sometimes i hurt people but i didn mean it. im sorry..and i dont feel good either.
think i shall stop here, if not i'll feel more down. dinner?think i'll skip that, at least im happier this way.
wake up, prepare and head to work for ronnie, done photoshop and stuff had a great time, had a quick breakfast alone.
2.30pm
stayed at bukit gombak had my lunch alone again. had laksa and read cleo magazine and i head to grandma house.
3.45pm
in the train, despite the killer weather, i was freezing in the train, think im falling sick.
4.05pm
reached grandma's place and was working on my project. had a nice time with her, i never heard so much abt her. despite how unhappy i feel when i recieve the project, one thing that delights me is the moment i spend with my grandma. Next Interview will be my daddy's side. so looking forward to it. atleast it a time of communication betwee me and them. cus i realise, ur frens, no matter what will only be your friends, they can just hurt u. but family will always be there for u. i really hope that 1 day, i can design a beautiful home for them.
4.45pm
Wondering aimlessly in northpoint. hoping so much that i can get someone to have dinner with me cus mummy didn cook. DK who to call also cus either they are busy if not they are having dinner at home or even booked. The last thing i ever wanted for today is to have dinner alone but i think i have no choice left. tears rolling down, having that little pity on myself yet telling myself that i'll be fine after awhile.
had been really bad these 3 days, cried almost everyday cus i dun feel good yet every night, down a red wine and tell myself, i'll feel better tomorrow, hiding down all my pain. cus the last thing i ever want is to make myself feel useless. i tried to be nice to everyone that i've met cus its not by chance that they become my friend and i wanna cherish them. I always told myself, despite how hurt i am, i also want others to be happy. i noe its some foolish thinking of mine in this selfish world. and sometimes i hurt people but i didn mean it. im sorry..and i dont feel good either.
think i shall stop here, if not i'll feel more down. dinner?think i'll skip that, at least im happier this way.
new hunk???
haha!!!!today i will feature jason chee in my post..abit bo liao la..haha!!!!nothing better to do in school oso do i put his photos to disturb him =p today is brandon's birthday and he is waiting for his princess to go lunch tgt, i hope she give him a kiss cus he is so deeply in love with her!!!!!! back to jason! haha!!!
deng deng deng!!!!the first pic will be
black and white jacket , everlast pants and his hot bod!haha, so rmb to log into wwww.nutrifirst.net!LOL
next will be
this one look so boy boy..haha!!dunno why, but maybe cute mah..haha!
u can see his muscles, its so define..haha!gosh im like some pervertic psycho haha n im freezing cold in the studio, i can feel my tummy shivering..zzzz....i'll go prompt him to see my blog at least he will be more happy to book out from camp!!!haha
deng deng deng!!!!the first pic will be
black and white jacket , everlast pants and his hot bod!haha, so rmb to log into wwww.nutrifirst.net!LOL
next will be
this one look so boy boy..haha!!dunno why, but maybe cute mah..haha!
u can see his muscles, its so define..haha!gosh im like some pervertic psycho haha n im freezing cold in the studio, i can feel my tummy shivering..zzzz....i'll go prompt him to see my blog at least he will be more happy to book out from camp!!!haha
places i wanna go
first stop will be hawaii!!!
volcanoes and beaches. simply wonderful!
next will be new york!!!!
i wanna have a photoshoot there!!every corner of the city is just so artistically amazing and picturesque.
france!!
the rich and romantic culture simply keeps in in awe. i love the architecture!and of cus, i miss vincent francome, my very good friend.=/
where should go to my honey moon?haha!!!
or maybe with my future bf when i earn enough $$?
scuba diving/snorkling at mauritius is another dream of mine and i realise all the places are so expensive..haha!!
volcanoes and beaches. simply wonderful!
next will be new york!!!!
i wanna have a photoshoot there!!every corner of the city is just so artistically amazing and picturesque.
france!!
the rich and romantic culture simply keeps in in awe. i love the architecture!and of cus, i miss vincent francome, my very good friend.=/
where should go to my honey moon?haha!!!
or maybe with my future bf when i earn enough $$?
scuba diving/snorkling at mauritius is another dream of mine and i realise all the places are so expensive..haha!!
back again
HAHA!im back blogging agaain...actually idk what to write but well, for a moment, i was asking myself and telling myself that i can't please everybody. thought about wen an that case. hai, all the nasty things he said about me just pissed me off so much, i cant even treat him as a friend. He is just too selfish to the people around him. hopefully when he grow older, he still ha ve some true friends around him.
althea is back from italy!yeah!!!!im so happy ok...i hope she is coping well. miss her...
yester had a photoshoot with mike and we gossiped about the stupiak alvin who took advantage of me. i just couldnt force myself to be ok about it. argh!
ok this post is so random and is filled with randomness.. think i should get my mind sort out and focus first.
althea is back from italy!yeah!!!!im so happy ok...i hope she is coping well. miss her...
yester had a photoshoot with mike and we gossiped about the stupiak alvin who took advantage of me. i just couldnt force myself to be ok about it. argh!
ok this post is so random and is filled with randomness.. think i should get my mind sort out and focus first.
MAYBE ITs True
kinda stuck with reality and fantasy. Maybe because i have nothing else better to do..dots. I actually dun feel good. u noe, sometimes we know its the wrong thing yet we still indulge in it. its not so right. its just so hard to believe. reality and not so real, idk what to chose. all messed up, all confuse.
hunt or be hunted.
so long since i blogged, not that im busy, its just that i start to hate to write how i feel up here..people will think 'forget it and close your blog' but all i can say i no. for many out there, that i have offended u in anyways, im sorry, not that i wanna please u but im sorry that i have hurt u..now its holidays, and im seriously rotting at home and have nothing else better to do...started to think and wonder about alot of things.
recently i read about an article, its about man hunting a women, its actually very true.some like to live in the wrong perception, this is what that ios quoted "They know deep down they don't have the ability to catch the queen of the jungle (the lioness) but they like to think that they might, maybe." i have a certain admiration towards guys who are bold yet i will grow skeptical towards them, i often wonder if thats true or its just a fling.
Its kinda funny too especially in the ring of relationship. Its really like mind game.so what if a girl have grown an interest towards a guy? still we must keep the fun on going, zzzzz...thats guy's ego,,,well, the important point is to allow the hunter to feel he is doing the chasing, even if secretly he isn't. Its the success and achievement he wants to feel isn't it?
for me, i use to hunt guys, (to put it really crudly) and i ended up dead. haha...cus in the end, the one that get hurt most is only you and you alone, to reflect back, i'm not at all proud that i have 7 ex bf. cus it than reflect how much a failure in relationship i am. But this is something tht keeps me strong and move on and wants to make things better when i meet my mr right. im still really young yet all this things about love start triggering in my mind. Dates after dates, its actually better in some point but when u find u need him to be there, the one that u dun expect is the one that stood by u and secretly u'll fall for him without knowing. waiting for his msg but it didn come, this remind me of my favourite song, 'Maybe' by jay sean.
below are the lyics
Beep Beep! oh look now there goes my phone
And once again im just hopin it's a text from you..hmm..
It aint right read ya messages twice, thrice
Four times a night its true
Everyday I patiently wait
Feelin like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
As knowing I wasn't waiting in vain..
[Chorus:]
maybe its true
I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too
maybe i'm wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
[Verse 2:]
I'm always connected online
Hooked on facebook all the time
Hopin you've Checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,
You play it cool but,
see I'm hopelessly fallin for you,
Every night on the phone and I flirt with you..
and I know that you like it girl
All jokin aside,
What say you and I
Come out and say what we're trying to hide..
[Chorus:]
maybe its true
I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too
maybe im wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
[Bridge:]
Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Baby I miss you,
I'm thinking of you [x2]
[Guitar Solo]
[Chorus:]
maybe its true (OH)
I'm caught up on you (maybe, yeah)
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too (Stuck on me too)
maybe i'm wrong (Hey baby, yeah..)
It's all in my head.. (OH NO)
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
(both haven't said)
Maybe Its True I'm Caught Up On You
Maybe There's A Chance that You're Stuck On Me Too
Maybe I'm Wrong, It's All In My Head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
[Outro]
Maybe it's true..(Baby I Miss You)
I'm caught up on you (Look I Want You)
Maybe I am wrong
Baby I miss you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YelGZjy0Tlg
isnt it really true?
well, its just like a fairy tale. a damsel in distress, and a prince on a white horse pop in. haha!
recently i read about an article, its about man hunting a women, its actually very true.some like to live in the wrong perception, this is what that ios quoted "They know deep down they don't have the ability to catch the queen of the jungle (the lioness) but they like to think that they might, maybe." i have a certain admiration towards guys who are bold yet i will grow skeptical towards them, i often wonder if thats true or its just a fling.
Its kinda funny too especially in the ring of relationship. Its really like mind game.so what if a girl have grown an interest towards a guy? still we must keep the fun on going, zzzzz...thats guy's ego,,,well, the important point is to allow the hunter to feel he is doing the chasing, even if secretly he isn't. Its the success and achievement he wants to feel isn't it?
for me, i use to hunt guys, (to put it really crudly) and i ended up dead. haha...cus in the end, the one that get hurt most is only you and you alone, to reflect back, i'm not at all proud that i have 7 ex bf. cus it than reflect how much a failure in relationship i am. But this is something tht keeps me strong and move on and wants to make things better when i meet my mr right. im still really young yet all this things about love start triggering in my mind. Dates after dates, its actually better in some point but when u find u need him to be there, the one that u dun expect is the one that stood by u and secretly u'll fall for him without knowing. waiting for his msg but it didn come, this remind me of my favourite song, 'Maybe' by jay sean.
below are the lyics
Beep Beep! oh look now there goes my phone
And once again im just hopin it's a text from you..hmm..
It aint right read ya messages twice, thrice
Four times a night its true
Everyday I patiently wait
Feelin like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
As knowing I wasn't waiting in vain..
[Chorus:]
maybe its true
I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too
maybe i'm wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
[Verse 2:]
I'm always connected online
Hooked on facebook all the time
Hopin you've Checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,
You play it cool but,
see I'm hopelessly fallin for you,
Every night on the phone and I flirt with you..
and I know that you like it girl
All jokin aside,
What say you and I
Come out and say what we're trying to hide..
[Chorus:]
maybe its true
I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too
maybe im wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
[Bridge:]
Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Baby I miss you,
I'm thinking of you [x2]
[Guitar Solo]
[Chorus:]
maybe its true (OH)
I'm caught up on you (maybe, yeah)
Maybe there's a chance that ur stuck on me too (Stuck on me too)
maybe i'm wrong (Hey baby, yeah..)
It's all in my head.. (OH NO)
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
(both haven't said)
Maybe Its True I'm Caught Up On You
Maybe There's A Chance that You're Stuck On Me Too
Maybe I'm Wrong, It's All In My Head
Maybe We're Afraid of Words We Both Hadnt Said
[Outro]
Maybe it's true..(Baby I Miss You)
I'm caught up on you (Look I Want You)
Maybe I am wrong
Baby I miss you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YelGZjy0Tlg
isnt it really true?
well, its just like a fairy tale. a damsel in distress, and a prince on a white horse pop in. haha!
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